perpend

[per-PEND]

verb

To ponder; deliberate.

The trick to being able to perpend the boring minutiae of your date’s day is to constantly remind yourself that women like to fuck good listeners.

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mitigate

[MIT-i-geyt]

verb

To lessen in force or intensity.

I offered to repaint her car’s hood, but she said nothing could mitigate my being spread eagle on it for a profile picture.

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endemic

/ɛnˈdɛmɪk/

adjective

Native to a particular area or culture; originating where it occurs…

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castigate

/ˈkæs tɪˌgeɪt/ verb 1 a to chastise verbally. b to reprove. c to criticize severely. 2 a to punish by stripes. b to chastise by blows. c to chasten. Hannah often lauded her husband’s deft oral skill when reveling in their postcoital embrace. But later, when she was with her friends, she’d castigate him for a lack of competence both inside and outside of the bedroom.

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booboisie

[boob-wah-ZEE]

noun

A class of people regarded as stupid or foolish.

Tyler Perry really knows how to pander to the fucking booboisie.

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pellucid

[puh-LOO-sid]

adjective

Easily understandable.

I wanted to make my resignation as pellucid as possible so I photographed my genitals and hung them up in the kitchen.

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flippant

[FLIP-uhnt]

adjective

Lacking proper seriousness or respect; showing inappropriate levity; pert.

I wish I wasn’t so flippant over the news, but the fact that your uncle was arrested for engaging in coitus with a dog is too funny.

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